Another CBHTS Special
Wednesday 16 April 08
(The first thing you see when you enter our bar from the Duval Street entrance is one of our pretty Beer Tub Bartenders. Wednesday Night, it was Jessica selling those 16 oz. Bud, Bud Selects, and Bud Lights in the aluminum thermos bottles, coldest beer in our Hemisphere. She was also selling $2.00 Washington Apple Shooters made with Jim Beam Black and Coronas and Corona Lights for $3.00 all night. )
(Who was that gal who jumped on stage and sang her ass off?)
It's 1:15 AM and I'm typing this as Chad Bradford and the Damn Band are playing just a foot or so away from my DJ booth. At this moment, the crowd is still good sized eventhough the Sexy Bull Riding Contest ended at 1:00 AM sharp. There is some chick on stage with them who has a set of pipes and a great pair of legs pouring out of some cut off jeans. She's wearing cowboy boots. For the men reading the blog, sorry I didn't get a better shot of these legs. I know how you all live for the cheap thrills at Cowboy Bill's.
Hey wait a second.
What could I do to redeem myself?
How about a shot of a crazy sexy woman riding the bull with no abandon?
Howza about doublin' up on that, Rowdy?
You make me work too hard. But it's a job. Somebody has got to do it.
Done yet again.
And as for the whole band, if I were them, I'd make sure the band house door was locked at night before the female bartenders and waitresses sneak in, bound them head and foot in duct tape, and drag them down to Ms. Irene's Dungeon for Wayward Bartenders and Waitresses.
You smile on stage, Boys, but are you man enough for an entire week of Key West?
(The one in the middle screamed like she was having a Big "O". Maybe she'll be the next Dr. Ruth?)
Anyhoo, the contest tonight had 17 contestants for the Sexy Bullriding Constest.
Our "Professional" photographer with a zillion dollar camera was supposed to make a copy on a CD Rom of all the women who went bonkers and took off their tops. Well, let's just say, I didn't get that CD Rom because Mr. Paparazzi was out in the alley picking up shiny pop tops in the dirt. Okay, I'm lying, but it sounded like a True Key West story, didn't it? Had ja.
Okay, so I was behind the lens of these photos using a dinosaur digital camera.
I'll show you a photo now of the blonde beauty who won the contest. In this photo, she is wearing a top. If you can imagine wearing a pair of X-Ray Specs, you might know why there was an audible"Whoop, There They Is" when those torpedos came out of the tubes.
(One of those rare shots of Captain Billy looking a contestant eye to eye, instead of eye to chest. And if Billy tells me I'm fired again for leaving this comment under the photo, I'll just answer, "But I was fired last week, Billy. . . is that one still in effect?")
The way this week's Sexy Bull Riding contest went down.
Although we don't have actual photos of the three finalists and how they got there by the last round, here are two more photos from previous contests which will give you the idea of what went down:
(Mama plays a Squeeze Box that she wears on her chest, when Daddy comes home, he never gets no rest . . . )
Anyway, the contest was the usual smashing success and eventhough "season" has ended and all the guest houses around my hidey hole are sporting "Vacancy" signs, there is no sign of a Tourist Recession at Cowboy Bills. We keep getting up and getting crazier by the week. I think people just want to forget all the crap going wrong in the world and they seek out the laughter, the agelessness of good music, the fun of crowds who aren't worrying about some dimwit Church Lady telling them it's a sin to get naked when taking a shower or whatnot. And who in hell wants to go sit at a bar where politics is discussed by a bunch of stodgy wankers? And who wants to stay home and watch the Law and Order Channel 24/7 or watch another frotting Reality TV Show with some bloated old has beens still seeking celebrity worship?
I think Cowboy Bill's is hitting on all its cylinders simply because we hire the best people to do the work around the place and in turn, it attracts a great crowd who know the bar is safe while allowing everyone to color outside the lines without giving two hoots about age, sexual preference, color of skin, and all that jazz which screws up adults who listen to too much Shout Radio.
Maybe I digress again.
Okay, let me lay some more good news on you to take your mind off the bad news I was alluding to.
The Billy Currington show scheduled for Mallory Square this coming Friday, April 16, 2008 at 8:00 PM (click the red link to read all about it) is definitely a go. Chad Bradford and the Damn Band will open as planned. You can read about it all here on this blog or listen for the ads on Conch Country 98.7 FM.
More hysterical, errr, historical photo-journalism form this past Wednesday's Ladies Night at Cowboy Bill's Honky Tonk Saloon in Key West, the Conch Republic!
(Wendy and Rachel, our two Saloon Bar bartenders. Rowwwwwrrrrrrrrr! Dem Women's is Crazy)
(Shannon, one of our Security Guys who is also barbacking on Thursday and Friday. He's inside the DJ booth early on Wednesday Night before the band started or the Sexy Bull Riding Contest kicked off. He has that look of "Recession? What Recession? This bar is kicking!)
(Those wild Doctors to Be from the UM Med School warming up the dancefloor before Chad Bradford took the stage.)
(Haley, working the MIHOP* Bar Wednesday Night. Yep, she's the other pool shark to watch out for.
You know what it is guys? She and Mountain Girl should not be allowed to lean over the pool tables to make shots. I think you know what I mean.)
*Miss Irene's House of Pain Bar. Flapjacks not served here. But mighty big hangovers are just the beginning.
(Eftim, one of our funny Security guys, and a bunch of his friends from his home country of Bulgaria!
"American Beer tastes like peees!")
(Somewhere close to 3:45 AM, I bumped into the new "Tony Orlando and Dawn" in our game room singing up a storm.)
(This was about 3:30 AM on our dancefloor. A woman named "Smiley" (in jeans) was teaching one of our University of Miami Med Students some pole tricks. The soon to be doctor of medicine caught on within seconds.
It's like the Discovery Channel at Cowboy Bill's.)
(The mysterious "Smiley" then took it up a notch and asked the 3rd year med student, "Can you wrap one of your legs behind your head while holding onto the pole?" Unfortunately, the good Doctor to Be wasn't having any of it . . . )
(You see what I have to put up with at the DJ Booth?)
(Dr. Evil, aka Cowboy Bill, right before he faceplants a Cowboy, or shakes the peaches out of some gal's blouse while running the mechanical bull.)
As I was taking this photo, the guy in the peach colored T-Shirt said to the lady on his left,
"Myrtle, I don't think we're in Kansas any more!"
(The usual wall to wall crowd during a Sexy Bull Riding contest)